The Seven Types – Chapter 10

Your temperament
– The seven feeling types

In this chapter, we look at the seven feeling types and how they create different temperaments. According to our type, we may be quiet, warm, open, reserved, impersonal, observant – some of us have strong emotional reactions while others can remain calm and seem not to react at all. These differences in temperament reflect the energy of the emotional field in all its variety.

From the perspective of psychoenergetics, the ultimate purpose of our emotional life is to express love in all its aspects: parental, romantic, spiritual, friendship, self-care, love for all people, animals and the world we live in. The purpose of our emotional life is to make love possible.

Love is an energy that unites. Through love we experience belonging and connectedness. However, the way we love, and the way we want to be loved, is different for each of us. All seven feeling types are motivated by love, but they will express love differently according to their motivation, as discussed in chapter 7. We can say that the seven feeling types demonstrate the seven ways of expressing love that come naturally to humankind (Figure 28).

There are many unhelpful misconceptions about love so, for clarity, I will sometimes refer to love as “sensitivity” because it is the sensitive energy that enables us to become attuned to other people’s feelings, to empathise and to form relationships.

We should also note that love is expressed at all five psychological levels – and this totality of expression is what colours our experience of love. At the level of body, we like to touch and be touched; at the level of feeling we need to give and receive love; at the level of thought we each value and conceive of love in different ways; at the level of personality we are focused on achieving our ambitions so love is experienced in terms of our engagement with the world; at the level of soul, love is altruistic and concerned less with our own needs and more with the well-being of all.

It is through our feelings that we can express love, and we will each do this in one of seven ways according to our dominant energy at the level of feeling – and this is what we call our feeling type. In the descriptions of the seven feeling types below, we will focus on three key criteria:

Basic temperament and love language: This concerns how a type prefers to give and receive love, how they feel safe, and the sorts of relationship they are drawn to.

Sensitivity and relationships: This concerns the degree to which a type can be open, sensitive, receptive and responsive within relationships.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms: This concerns the type’s motivation, its likes and dislikes, and its strategies for seeking out love and for defending against pain.

The most common feeling types are those that are most closely linked to the sensitive energy, which is the energy most connected to our emotional life. To understand this, we need to consider again the idea that each of the energies is a blend of the other energies, two of them in particular – in the same way that some colours are a blend of other colours. The creative energy is a blend of the sensitive and mental energies; the dedicated energy is a blend of the sensitive and dynamic energies. Hence, at the level of feeling, the creative, sensitive and dedicated energies will most likely dominate – these three types are the most effective mediators of love.

The other energy types – dynamic, mental, analytical and practical – are also present at the level of feeling but, because they are the energies with the least connection to the sensitive energy, rather than facilitate the flow of love, they are most likely to impede love and present emotional challenges. This will become apparent below when we examine the seven feeling types in more detail.

Another general point is that our emotional life will be more or less mature, with an immature feeling type having a less harmonious experience of the world. We each face the psychosynthetic task of balancing our emotional life – with each of the seven feeling types facing a different task, so identifying our feeling type is essential.

It should also be noted that qualities from the other psychological levels can influence and colour the experience of our feeling type. Hence, when seeking to identify our feeling type it is important to consider which qualities seem fundamental to who we are, and which qualities are secondary and therefore perhaps caused by the influence of our dominant types at the other levels.

With these basic principles in place, let’s take a close look at the seven feeling types. Consider which of the types you resonate with most strongly – and which seem to describe the people in your life. I will begin each description with a quote from Assagioli to set the scene.

The dynamic feeling type

Using the term “will type”, Assagioli (1983: 19) says of the dynamic feeling type: “In his emotional sphere, the will type is decidedly introverted. He inhibits all displays of emotion and feeling, since he regards them as obstacles and dangers to the efficiency of his actions and the one-pointedness of his aims.”

Basic temperament and love language:

Your dominant dynamic temperament gives you an aura of strength and authority, as well as firm and clear boundaries. Because you keep people at a distance, you can appear reserved and secretive, even intimidating. You tend to repress vulnerable feelings because you see them as a sign of weakness and prefer to have your emotions under control.

In your relationships you need to feel strong and free. You are attracted to other independent people. You prefer relationships where there is an element of competition and where you don’t feel the need to wear kid gloves. You want to develop your strengths, so a good partner for you would be someone who can point out your weaknesses and help you to fix them.

You want power and respect, and you set about getting this in a courageous manner, being thick-skinned and willing to stand up for yourself – all qualities of the dynamic feeling type. You are a warrior at heart and see the world as a battlefield in which the strongest take hold of the best opportunities.

Sensitivity and relationships:

Your sensitivity is under-developed, which means you are often unaware of other people’s feelings. Because of your emotional illiteracy, when it comes to romance you can be like a bull in a china shop. But you are loyal and trustworthy and will fight for those you love. You show your love through being respectful, loyal and reliable in a crisis.

Your strong emotional life can be domineering, giving you a tendency to control your partner. You have a strong sense of others’ weaknesses and tend to use this against them. You can easily end a relationship once it has served its purpose and can cut ties without a second thought, like a gardener disposing of weeds.

You tend to express love by giving gifts and other outward displays of affection. Because of your shyness you tend to isolate yourself so that even those who are closest to you may not know who you really are. You are out of your comfort zone when loved ones need some TLC. But what they can count on is your strength and your ability to help people help themselves.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You have a strong emotional drive and can be ruthless to get what you want. You are so strong you could even end an addiction through sheer will power.

You have nerves of steel and are willing to engage in risky behaviour. You can use reason to suppress your feelings, but your emotions will eventually erupt like a volcano. You are sensitive to any challenge to your self-esteem or status and you can retaliate disproportionately when defending yourself.

Your basic defence is to isolate yourself. You pride yourself on being self-sufficient, but this go-it-alone toughness can be counter-productive. You desire recognition and authority but find it difficult to engage with people. You are a warrior, with great power, but this power must be used carefully because it could make or break you.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your courage and stoic emotional presence. Control your tendency to suppress your feelings because you need them to give you valuable information and support. Harmonise your emotional life by learning to share your feelings in a mature way, which others will see as a sign of strength.

Can you turn your feelings off and on at will?

The sensitive feeling type

Using the term “love type”, Assagioli (1983: 30) says of the sensitive feeling type: “The emotions, as we might expect, become the centre of attention and of vital energy for the majority of those who belong to the love type. Passionate and romantic love, often mixed in varying proportions, tends to be their principle interest in life.”

Sensitivity and relationships:

Because of your porous boundaries and strong desire to feel connected, you can often feel invaded. You have a delicate sensitivity – even hypersensitivity – and a suggestibility which means you are often in need of protection: people can take advantage of you, so having a sharp mind is necessary so you can set boundaries.

You gain a sense of security from the people, places and things you are attached to, but clinging onto them could hold you back and prevent you from growing. You should also be wary of your strong desire to be loved and to be popular, which can lead to you making unhealthy compromises.

You relate to others easily, picking up on their feelings and identifying with their pain, which can be a source of great suffering. This ability to accept and enter into emotions makes you an adept carer and healer: you are able to absorb negative emotions and transform them with love to create a positive atmosphere.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You move towards your goals with calmness and a sense of responsibility. When you are set on a goal, you have a patience and endurance that surpasses the other types. You also have an instinct for opportunities.

You are kind and inoffensive and averse to conflict. You attract what you need because you are friendly, sympathetic and attentive. More than anything else, it is your need for love and understanding that motivates you. You help and protect the vulnerable, creating peaceful atmospheres so that people can find shelter. You avoid extremes, preferring to maintain a peaceful atmosphere.

Your sweet nature can be gently manipulative: you can use your innocence and vulnerability in ways that make others feel obliged to give you what you want.

Your vulnerability makes you sensitive to emotional outbursts and you can be thin-skinned when faced with hostility. Your hypersensitivity might cause you to avoid others, even to isolate yourself, and this will cause you great suffering. The solution is for you to work hard on setting boundaries, which is difficult for you but necessary if you are to protect yourself from other people’s feelings and behaviour. You rarely react in ways that lead to a breakdown in the relationship, preferring to express your disappointment with others inwardly in the form of sadness and depression. By not asking outright for what you want, you can tend to become a victim.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your capacity for empathy and calmness.

Control your tendency to become absorbed and overly-identified with other people’s emotions. Harmonise your emotional life by setting clear boundaries where necessary.

Are you a calm, soft and warm-hearted person who creates good relations?

The mental feeling type

Using the term “practical” type, Assagioli (1983: 41) says of the mental feeling type: “In the subjective field, in the complexity of the life of feeling, in matters that require psychic sensitivity and in flights of aesthetic imagination, the practical type tends to be obtuse, perplexed or simply uninterested. These functions are generally dull or undeveloped in him. The ‘feminine’ aspect of the psyche, changeable and plastic, is an impenetrable mystery to him”

Sensitivity and relationships:

Guided by reason, you can be unaware of other people’s emotions. You want to know how to react but you rarely sense other people’s feelings. Some people may see you as unreliable.

You can’t commit to a relationship unless you are completely sure of it. You prefer relationships where there is enough freedom for you to pursue outside interests. Your relationships are informed by agreed rules and values.

You might desire many intimate relationships and aim for quantity, not quality. As long as a relationship serves a purpose, you will put energy into it. You rarely just “hang out” – you prefer relationships where you are engaged in an activity or have an objective of some kind. You focus on the present moment – for you, being out of sight means being out of mind. You may shower your significant other with showy gifts that say as much about your status as your degree of affection.

You are good at forming relationships as long as they are based on explicit rules and common interests. This is your relational style.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You approach what you want strategically, exploring opportunities without giving too much away. You calculate your thoughts and feelings, weighing pros and cons, like a lawyer in court. This tendency for calculation can lead to the belief that money can buy you love.

Because of your shifting desires, you like to leave room for manoeuvre, so you tend to avoid emotional involvement and long-term commitment. You want one thing one moment and something else the next, with your restless desires and flighty emotions pulling in different directions.

To defend against feelings that are difficult for you, you use excuses and white lies which sow confusion so that no-one knows the truth, not even you. You also defend against feelings by rationalising them, which can cause a split in your psyche, giving rise to irrational outbursts and incomprehensible reactions. Because of the unpredictable nature of your feelings, and your difficulty in handling them, you tend to avoid intimacy. Your challenge is to develop a more positive and mature relationship with your feelings.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your capacity for emotional flexibility and your understanding of complex emotions. Control your tendency for being superficial and non-committal. Harmonise your emotional nature by becoming aware of your long-term needs and values.

Are you the sensible type, always on the run?

The creative feeling type

Using the term “aesthetic” type, Assagioli (1983: 53) says of the creative feeling type: “The emotional life of this type is very active and often leads to a lack of equilibrium. These individuals are very changeable; they often swing between extremes of   optimism   and   pessimism, times of vitality and uncontrolled happiness alternating with others of discouragement and despair.”

Basic temperament and love language:

Because your temperament is influenced by your aesthetic sensibilities, you are the most colourful feeling type. You crave beauty, harmony and a rich variety of experiences. You express spontaneous joy and are playful, but you are also sensitive to pain and suffering. Your temper responds so quickly to nuances of harmony and disharmony that you are often pulled in different directions.

You are generally comfortable with your emotions, but they do tend to conflict because your emotional life is very polarised. You can move easily from one extreme to another, from love to hatred, joy to sorrow. Your lively, changeable emotional life demands a rich variety of experiences. Your curiosity and thirst for experience gives rise to a considerable emotional repertoire.

You demand honesty in your relationships and cannot abide excuses or rationalisation. You want authentic connections with people who tell it like it is. Beauty and harmony are essential and you will go to great lengths to experience them, even putting up with conflict. Erotic love is important and you can be something of a flirt. If you are met with humour and spontaneous play, you can be very cooperative.

Sensitivity and relationships:

Your sensitivity gives you access to emotional energy. If emotionally mature, your understanding of other people’s feelings will allow you to accept even aggressive and destructive elements. Being able to sense the source of a conflict means you are well placed to be able to help restore balance, providing what is needed to create harmony. On the other hand, if you don’t get your way you can be a drama queen. You like to be the centre of attention, even if it means starting an argument to achieve this. Creating conflict is sometimes the best remedy for you, as a means to achieve harmony. Hence, conflict is not necessarily a distortion. Those who work with conflict resolution know you must bring the opposing energies into the light before peace can become an option. This is why the creative energy is said to deal with “harmony through conflict”.

Relationships with you are something of a rollercoaster ride. Your moods go up and down, which can be a strain on others, but at least it isn’t boring. Accepting your mood swings will make it easier for you to manage them. You are in your element in emotionally- charged atmospheres because of the sudden shifts in mood. When you are emotionally mature, one of your beautiful qualities in a relationship is your willingness to keep going through thick and thin. But you find beauty to be a temptation, so you can be flirtatious and unstable, imagining that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You use your charm and beauty to get what you want, creating the impression that will benefit you the most. You know what people want to hear and this makes you very attractive; through flattery you appeal to their vanity.

You feel inner conflict around your true desires. You want peace and security but also crave the excitement of taking risks. This friction can cause you great suffering that could take years to resolve.

When there is friction you can become defensive, with a tendency to overreact, which can make you unpredictable. But you can often ignore friction and enjoy yourself in spite of it – even when life gets messy, you can throw your hands up in the air and walk away. Your biggest challenge is to grow up and take responsibility for yourself without losing touch with your inner child. But you really shouldn’t worry: having a varied emotional life means you are usually able to make the most of a situation and you will invariably land on your feet.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your capacity for emotional insight and for expressing a wide range of subtle feelings. Control your tendency to let your emotions run away with you due to your vivid imagination. Harmonise your emotional life by disciplining your volatile temperament: you do not need to express everything you feel in public.

Are you a changeable feeling type person, full of smiles and spontaneous joy?

The analytical feeling type

Using the term “scientific” type, Assagioli (1983: 61) says of the analytical feeling type: “In his emotions, the scientific type seems to be cold, insensitive and even inhuman and cruel. Often he shows a curious inability to feel and express human sentiment or tenderness, and in having such a lack of elementary sensitivity he exhibits the indifference and coldness of the vivisector.

However, if we study him more carefully, we find that in many cases this is due to the fact that all his capacity for feeling and devotion, all his love – and it can be great – are directed towards impersonal objects.”

Sensitivity and relationships:

For you, feelings are so fleeting they can’t be used as a foundation from which to build your life. Consequently, because you do not trust your feelings, you are not at your best where sensitivity is required. In fact, your need to inhibit your sensitivity and control your emotions can cause you to become anxious or compulsive – when this happens, your strong sense of rationality means your neurotic behaviour will strike you as inexplicable.

You find it difficult to relate to people emotionally, and romantic relations are a complete mystery. You fear the loss of control that true intimacy entails. To avoid this, you tend to analyse your feelings until there is nothing left of them. This is the key danger for the analytical type – when your natural inclination to analyse gets out of control it turns your emotional life into a desert.

Your relationship style is based on a model of reward and punishment. This helps to give you a sense of control which helps to prevent you from being overwhelmed by your emotions, which is linked to a fear of abandonment. But because you value logic, you try to be fair and objective in your relationships.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

When it comes to romance, you approach the person you desire carefully, having analysed the risks thoroughly in advance – you would rarely make a direct approach. This is partly because you are unsure of your feelings, but also because you want to avoid the risk of embarrassment.

When trying to express your emotional needs you become inhibited and clumsy. You prefer to make your feelings known indirectly, trying to get what you want without having to ask for it. This approach rarely works and often leaves you feeling worse. You are drawn to the more emotional types, especially the sensitive type – this is because, while you may repress your own sensitivity, you know this is exactly what you need.

A rigid emotional life is bound to produce conflict and resistance within. On the surface you may seem frozen and stiff, with no apparent emotion, but outbursts of irrational fears and wild desires show what’s bubbling beneath the surface. These eruptions only reinforce your need for control and your determination to take a rational approach to your emotional life. Your emotional potential is therefore limited, but your objectivity and reasonableness ensure you will be a fair person.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your ability to be honest and fair in your emotional life. Control your tendency to over-analyse your feelings. Harmonise your feelings by sharing them with the world. Give space for the irrational when attending to your emotional needs.

Are you the cool, reserved feeling type that prefers a simple and practical emotional life?

The dedicated feeling type

Using the term “devotional” type, Assagioli (1983: 70) says of the dedicated feeling type: “As we can easily imagine, the devotional type is intensely emotional. His feelings are often passionate and extravagant. He loves a person or an ideal up to the point of veneration and opposes, and often hates, with equal force whatever is set against it.”

Basic temperament and love language:

You have a potent and intense temperament, which makes for strong likes and dislikes. You can get carried away by passions that blind you. When you want something, your desire can turn into an addiction. You are loyal and persevering, with a fighting spirit. When your emotions are focused on an ideal, you feel confident, like an expert canoeist negotiating a wild river.

Your emotions are so powerful that sometimes you feel you are sitting on a volcano. But when you learn to master these strong emotional forces you will have great power at your disposal. Your enthusiasm and dedication infects those around you, lifting their spirits and giving them hope; being a powerful motivator is your greatest personal asset.

Sharing common goals with your partner is essential for your love life. You are focused on the future and are in search of a partner who can accompany you on this journey. You are devoted, passionate and appreciate clear expressions of love. You want to be your partner’s sole focus, which means you will tend to avoid cool, distant types. Loyalty and fidelity are very important for you.

Sensitivity and relationships:

You find it easy to show affection, tenderness and care for those who are important to you. You are highly sensitive, but unlike the sensitive and creative types, subtle nuances of emotion pass you by, however you make up for this with the depth of your engagement. You are a friend for life who will risk anything for those you care for. You can also lose yourself by getting swallowed up in your concern for others. Your joy and enthusiasm energise and uplift your relationships, and this is your most precious gift.

You have a tendency to idealise your partner, so you need to remember that you are in love with a real person, not an ideal, which could lead to an unreasonable disappointment with your partner. Your tendency to relate to your ideal image of your loved ones is also potentially dangerous when it comes to children because children must be allowed to grow in their own image and not into your idealised image.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You go straight for what you want and can be quite fierce about it, which can be an effective if primitive approach. You don’t waste time cutting to the chase. Sophistication is not your strongest suit. Your interest is focused on whatever you see in your partner that is good and positive. You recognise potential in people and situations, and this allows you to grasp opportunities.

At times, you will feel crushed with disappointment when you have to admit that reality doesn’t match up to your projected idealisations. When the bubble bursts you feel disillusioned, but you will always pick yourself up again: there is always a new cause worth fighting for or someone new to love.

Your devotion to what is good, true and beautiful is perhaps your most admirable quality. You are even willing to sacrifice yourself for the cause if necessary. You can handle extremes. The thing that hurts you the most is betrayal, which can turn passionate love into icy rejection in an instant.

You can become fiercely defensive if your values, freedom or love are threatened. You take things personally and are quick to feel offended. If you want to mature, you must learn to master your reactions, to think before you act. Your emotions are subject to stormy weather – if you want clear skies, you will need to learn how to accommodate your emotions.

You have a virile Arabian stallion at your disposal. The question is: who is riding whom?

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your capacity for sincerity and a pure heart. Control your tendency to be intense and fanatical in your devotion. Harmonise your emotional life by taking in other perspectives so that you can let go of your obsessions.

Are you a passionate feeling type who gets carried away with excitement?

The practical feeling type

Using the term “organisational- ritualistic” type, Assagioli (1983: 82) says of the practical feeling type: “He tends to be completely ruled by habit which he follows with complacent obstinacy, since he is often proud and over-sure of himself. Therefore, he tends to be emotionally arid and lacks tact in his relations with others. His overvaluation of ceremony and form makes him rigid and bigoted in religion as well. But in contrast to the devotional [dedicated] type, he has neither fanaticism nor apostolic zeal.”

Sensitivity and relationships:

You are sensitive, calm and balanced. You act fairly based on agreed rules. Because you enjoy responsibility and the control it brings, commitment is not a problem for you.

You are a stable, faithful companion, able to deal with financial matters with your hand tightly on the purse strings. For some people, this will make you seem formal, cool and something of a bore.

You respond to difficulties in your relationship by adopting compulsive behaviour, such as rituals that you act out stiffly, with exaggerated correctness. This is how you control unwanted emotions. You have an eye for detail, which allows you to analyse emotions, but your approach tends to be overly rational, which is usually not appreciated.

Desire strategies and defence mechanisms:

You tend to hide your desires and make plans to fulfil them without letting your true motives be known. You’ve learned to be practical and pragmatic in pursuing your goals.

To avoid complications, you like to keep things under control and suppress your emotions until you have reached your goal – then you can celebrate, though moderately, of course. Even when extremes are justified you will avoid them because it’s simply not done.

You are cool, rational and stick to the facts when challenged. Rules help you to manoeuvre, and when they no longer work you find new ones. You operate well within any system and handle conflict by referring to the rule book, which will tend to make you rigid and unimaginative. You will go to any length to maintain your sense of control, and your emotional life must simply adjust to this.

Psychosynthetic task:

Develop your elegant and courteous temperament. Control your tendency to be too attached to rules, routines and rituals. Harmonise your emotional life by giving yourself space to be loose and informal in your relationships.

Are you a reserved, elegant type who controls your feeling?

Exercise: How do you react in situations of conflict, especially when you think you’re right?

The following statements will give you an indication of what type you are. Choose those you identify with the most, but ask someone who knows you well to verify your answers.

These statements have been carefully worded to include reference to the motivators that underlie the different feeling types, so please take care that you can agree with all aspects of a statement before selecting it.

1. I can become dramatic, creating chaos in my efforts to reach a balanced solution.
2. I can become enraged and show my anger because it’s obvious that I’m right.
3. I argue rationally and sensibly in a way that highlights the fairness in my argument.
4. I look people straight in the eye and tell them, without emotion and with all my authority, that I will not give in.
5. I stick to facts. I can prove I’m right and that is why I stick to my argument.
6. I am friendly and empathetic when I listen to someone’s point of view and hope we can arrive at a mutually-acceptable solution.
7. I’m an attentive listener but can respond with long arguments to prove I’m right.
8. I weigh the pros and cons and seek to reach a compromise.
9. I go directly to the heart of a conflict, control my emotions, and focus on the other person’s weaknesses.
10. I’m sure I’m right and do not move an inch.
11. I listen to all the arguments then try to find a practical and pragmatic solution.
12. I gain an overview of all the opposing arguments then challenge the other person strategically.
13. I absorb the emotion of a conflict and try to hold it in, but I will start crying if this proves too difficult for me.
14. I focus on contracts, rules and routine, and use common sense.

Try matching each of the statements with the different feeling types before checking the footnote¹.

¹ Statements (the number in brackets is the feeling type, where 1-dynamic, 2-sensitive, 3-mental, 4-creative, 5-analytical, 6-dedicated, 7-practical): 1.(4), 2.(6), 3.(5), 4.(1), 5.(5), 6.(2), 7.(3), 8.(4), 9.(1), 10.(6), 11.(7), 12.(3), 13.(2), 14.(7)