Et højere perspektiv på mand-kvinde problematikken

The first time I saw Roberto Assagioli was two years ago at his home in Florence, in the old house where he has spent much of his life. He showed us into his office, which was filled with books and papers to such an extent that he had to move a pile so that my husband and I could sit down.

The three of us looked at each other for a long moment without speaking. Assagioli smiled, and his eyes, astonishingly lively in a face marked by his advanced age, glided from one to the other. Were we being judged? On the contrary. He allowed us to discover him freely and to connect with him, without us ever knowing what was happening. A communication took place, in which words only later took their place, while a kind of current developed between us. Assagioli’s face shone with a special, radiant inner joy that I have never experienced in an 80-year-old, nor in people much younger. This message of joy, immediately felt and communicated, is the finest memory I have of the countless meetings we later had with him. “Everything is possible and available to you : joy, serenity. I offer them to you as a gift.”

I did not expect to find in Roberto Assagioli a response to what interests me in a very specific area: the psychology of women in a world where their role and function first make them adapt and then repress them, of which they are not even aware. From my feminist perspective, the father of psychosynthesis therefore has an additional merit: an astonishing ability to adapt to changing attitudes, stemming from his desire to understand others and from his love of scientific truth, even if it may differ from previous convictions. When it comes to women, he had previously been limited, and he knew it and admitted it. He had been influenced by cultural prejudices that called that “feminine nature,” which is mostly a product of the social system. But later he freed himself in this sense from the weight of his upbringing, his environment, his age. He became interested early on in the new existential research into the nature of women, which is our liberation movement. Considering his age – and his Italian background – this is a doubly commendable achievement! Especially if you judge by his own conclusions.

There is not, and there cannot be, a general psychosynthesis for women, or for that matter for men. There is only – for the individual human being, regardless of gender – a personal, unique journey towards the development of all emotional, mental and spiritual capacities. “The human journey today,” Assagioli said, “is no longer defined by any of these roles. I believe in the superiority of man over his gender.” Could there be a more meaningful message? Here is what he told me on the subject in its full context:

Men and women are human beings first.

“We cannot speak in a precise way about women and men in general . Each of us is human before we are “man” or “woman”. And each of us – man or woman – has roles and functions to perform, individually, inter-individually and socially. This is where the differences begin. Emphatically stated, they are not differences in value, only differences in function . Human beings are never defined by any of these roles. A woman, like everyone else, can accept or not accept her role as a wife or mother. She can choose another calling. It is not a “must”, it is a free choice.

The woman is therefore right when she demands to be treated as a human being and not just as a woman. She is right when she refuses to be identified with a particular image of a woman. She is a living being with the full dignity and potential of a whole human being. All attitudes that limit a woman’s possibilities are wrong. Women have the right to demand the same respect and dignity as men. The same applies, of course, to men.

We can all equally choose to play different roles. For example, a woman can decide to play the role of spouse, mother, or both. She can engage in creative, social, or business activities. She can choose one role, or she can alternate between several of these roles, perhaps in the course of a day, perhaps over a longer period of time. This is the free choice of man. I believe in the superiority of man over his sex.

The differences between men and women are clearly reflected in our environment, in the family and society – and it is here that we must work to eliminate their unjust and harmful crystallization into rigid stereotypes and prejudices.

Gender roles exist in the collective unconscious

But it is important to realize that these differences also exist in our psyche, in the depths of our unconscious and even more so in the collective unconscious of humanity, where they make themselves known through some of the most powerful archetypes. Thus, there are universal masculine and feminine principles that manifest themselves in completely different ways in different individuals. In other words, while the masculine and feminine principles exist in the universal, people experience and describe them differently, just as is the case with beauty, truth, harmony, goodness, justice or any other universal principle.

The point is not to seek to define what these principles are, but to distinguish in our consciousness and in our relationships with other people the “masculine” and “feminine” from “man” and “woman.” We need to recognize that both the masculine and feminine principles exist in themselves, and that they are present—albeit in unique forms and to varying degrees—in all people, men and women.

In all people there is a certain amount of psychological masculinity and a certain amount of psychological femininity, completely independent of the person’s gender. All people are a unique combination of these energies. When we consider women as a whole , we see that they are more in tune with the feminine principle, have greater access to it and contain it to a greater extent in their psychological equipment. Similarly, men are more in tune with the masculine principle. This is of course general. People are unique. For example, some men are psychologically more feminine than many women.

Men can be feminine

Take the example of the French novelist George Sand (a pseudonym for Madame DuDevant) and Chopin. They had a love affair, and he physically had the “male role” and she the “female” role. But psychologically he was feminine and she was masculine. She acted like a man, wrote in a vigorous way – and smoked cigars! In her personality she was masculine, whereas Chopin was imaginative and sensitive.

There is therefore a difference between physical sex and psychological characteristics. Over the years I have met many who feared that they were – or even considered themselves – homosexual simply because they did not recognize this difference.

Only by accepting both the masculine and feminine principles and bringing them together and harmonizing them within ourselves will we be able to transcend the conditioning of our roles and to express our full, latent potentials.

Feminine principles must be unfolded in society

Just as this is true for the individual, it is true for society. From a social perspective, there is a great need to express the feminine principles in society today. Society needs women to contribute the higher aspects of their femininity—altruistic love, compassion, respect for life—with which they are usually more familiar and which they can often express with greater ease than men. It is therefore desirable that women become involved in social and political life. If they choose, they can do so while continuing to fulfill their traditional feminine role in the family, or they can devote themselves entirely to activities such as social work and renounce the traditional family role. They are fully entitled to do so. Society needs to respect and recognize their valuable contributions.

The fact that a woman can dedicate much of her time to certain roles should not prevent her from considering herself as an equal to man. It is not at all a question of superiority or inferiority. Masculine and feminine psychological characteristics have the same value, even if they look different. This is a fact.

Women have the right to protest and rise up against the old, condemnatory attitudes of society. But in this protest there is a risk of losing perspective. We can become destructive and not constructive. Conflicts and exaggerations can be understood in a psychological and historical light. The ideal for women would be to stay within the framework of what is constructive and just.

Feminism that goes to extremes

For example, some women go to the opposite extreme of current social stereotypes. Rather than balancing and integrating their feminine energies with their masculine energies, they may actually deny the feminine in themselves. A woman may reject traditional female roles and instead show men that she can play masculine roles. Herein lies the danger of masculinization of women. Ironically, this attitude may stem from the unconscious assessment of the masculine principle and masculine roles as inherently superior to the feminine. But there is no such superiority. What is needed is an honoring and appreciation of the feminine principles and the avenues and roles through which this energy can be expressed by both men and women. Masculine roles are neither better nor worse than feminine roles. Both are necessary and of equal value.

A controversial question is whether the fact that certain functions are generally better developed in women and others in men is natural or has to do with education or social pressure. In my opinion, all three factors are present to varying degrees in each individual.

Although this is a major social problem, fortunately it can be avoided for the individual . The man or woman only needs to figure out how he or she currently feels about themselves and how it is possible to change the situation.

Personal responsibility for development

If, for example, a woman has fewer opportunities or incentives to express her ideas or thoughts, it seems to me unnecessary to spend a lot of time and energy trying to understand why, who is responsible for it, etc. If this function is insufficiently developed, the woman can simply develop it. The same applies to a man who has not developed his emotions or intuition. (It is needless to state that there are men who need to develop their intellect and women who need to get in touch with their emotions and develop their intuition.) The point is to recognize the strong qualities and the shortcomings – and to harmonize and balance them. This is what I call a psychological and spiritual practical approach.

The psychosynthesis of the relationship

We will now turn our attention to the couple. A couple who base their togetherness on a fundamental equality, respect and mutual recognition of each other as human beings can together create their psychosynthesis as a couple. Each partner can work on their own psychosynthesis, and each of them can simultaneously contribute to the psychosynthesis of their partner, helping each other to achieve personal psychosynthesis by mutually helping each other to develop less developed aspects. When they have done this to a sufficient extent, they can truly function as a couple by combining and complementing their qualities and functions in all situations: in their marriage, in their role as parents, and in their social activities.

For each function to be developed, training is needed – often involving specific exercises. The process is analogous to training muscles: If we choose to play a particular sport, we find a skilled trainer and undergo training, after which we continue the training on our own. If a man finds that his emotional and imaginative sides have been ignored, he can train these. If a woman finds that her mind is not as active as she would like, she can train it. We must “cultivate our garden” by planting different flowers. Both the woman and the man can do this alone, but it is often more effective, much easier and more enjoyable to do it together as a couple.

When we talk about concrete problems, many difficulties can arise, and in special cases we can use therapy. I am talking here about “therapy” in the broadest sense of the word, because none of us are 100 percent healthy in the higher psychosynthetic sense. In difficult situations, a skilled and wise therapist or counselor can be of great help: someone who is impartial, kind, caring, and who helps both parties to become more aware, who explains the situation and points out possible solutions and helps to choose the means to achieve them.

The situation is different from couple to couple. All people are unique. Unique multiplied by unique gives unique to the fourth power; this is a fundamental principle of psychosynthesis. Every case is unique, and every situation is unique. Every couple is unique. Every family is unique. We must therefore focus on the unique existential problem in every situation, rather than on general conditions, and then choose the techniques that are best suited to solving the problems in the concrete situation. This eliminates imaginary, unfortunate problems. This can be called the psychoanalytic phase: the discovery of the obstacles to constructive work. The obstacles are in most cases the ones mentioned above: erroneous attitudes of the man and the woman. I therefore believe in the equality of both parties and in the differentiation of functions up to a certain point . Cooperation and integration based on equality.

The feminine and masculine in upbringing

In the field of education, the child needs a maternal and a paternal environment. It causes great harm in upbringing when paternal influence is lacking. But if for one reason or another there is no father, the woman can also take on the paternal role. If the woman is missing, the father can also take on the maternal role. We can fulfill any role that life demands of us or that we decide to play. The same applies to our work. In diverse situations, there is always a latent possibility in man to do everything within certain reasonable limits, to choose freely, to free himself from social pressure, prejudices or obstacles in order to achieve his higher goals.

We are now in a period of crisis and profound change. I believe that woman may be developing more rapidly than man. For man the task is to discover the real man under the masculine constraints – to be not merely a “masculine man” but a man who plays masculine roles and, if he chooses, feminine roles. We know that historically there have been matriarchal civilizations and patriarchal civilizations; the ideal is a new synthesized civilization which is neither patriarchal nor matriarchal, but which is psychosynthetic, i.e. a civilization in which the highest and best qualities of both are manifested.

This would be something new. In all historical civilizations and cultures there has been a predominance of either one element or the other. But in this new civilization and the global culture that is emerging, humanity is, for one thing, sufficiently developed to create a global, planetary pattern that contains the best in all men and women. I believe that this planetary psychosynthesis, this psychosynthesis of humanity, is possible and necessary. All problems will then have a frame of reference in a larger whole, and conflicts can be replaced by harmonious integration and cooperation. All this is within our reach – for it is not only very beautiful – it is also very human .

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Also read the article Psychosynthesis an Integral Psychology and the biography of Roberto Assagioli

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