Psychic Conflicts

Our conflicts are often unconscious, wholly or to a great extent; we are ignorant of their existence in us, and therefore we blindly suffer their influence; we do not know how to change them and prevent the damage they do.

By Roberto Assagioli. This is an edited version of unpublished notes for a course first given in 1928. Original Title: In Conflitti Psichici . Translated by Jan Kuniholm and Francesco Viglienghi, derived from the Assagioli Archive in Florence.

As a result of life’s experiences, so-called “ideo-affective complexes” are gradually formed in the unconscious, which are comparable to electrical accumulators. The ideas and images correspond to the accumulator itself, and the psychic energy formed of emotions, feelings, impulses, and desires that animate those ideas correspond to the accumulated electrical charge. Not infrequently, the “charge” acquires a very strong and dangerous intensity, and while it could be valuable if used appropriately, when it is not, it can produce destructive discharges and dangerous short-circuits.

Such “ideo-affective complexes” are often unconscious, wholly or to a great extent; we are ignorant of their existence in us, and therefore we blindly suffer their influence; we do not know how to change them and prevent the damage they do. If we realize that they are the source of most of our pains, weaknesses, mistakes — in short, also our happiness and, by reflection, that of others — it will become apparent how much we must press ourselves to plumb our unconscious and get to know those “complexes”.

In this and subsequent lectures we shall communicate the results of investigations that have generated such explorations; results that provide a valuable direction and guide for those who wish to make similar investigations in their turn, or wish to help others make them. It appears from those explorations that the formation of the most important, most dangerous and harmful of the “complexes” are the effects of a series of conflicts, of struggles, that take place within us and whose true meaning, depth and scope we often ignore. Such conflicts are divided into two basic groups:

Conflicts between the elements that make up our psyche and reality, the external world, other beings.
Endopsychic conflicts, that is, conflicts that take place within our psyche, between the conflicting elements that make it up.
– Let us begin by studying the former. The first collision between the human being and external reality occurs at the moment of birth. The infant’s first psychic impression is painful: the feeling of coldness and being touched gives him painful sensations to which he reacts by wailing. Then gradually other painful sensations arise: the stimulus of hunger, feeling wet or in an uncomfortable position; the first fears; the first desires, to be held and rocked, etc. Thus gradually the little being discovers his dependence on the outside world, on other beings.

But then he discovers another thing that is very interesting to him, and which will also be of great importance for the continuation of his psychic life: he discovers that by crying he achieves the elimination of what disturbs him and the attainment of what he desires. By crying, by shouting, he exerts a power over the external world, over that mysterious world inhabited by great beings that surround him. His own weakness, his personal helplessness, the affection, the pity he inspires, are his power, his weapon to resolve conflicts with the outside world.

As the child grows, active powers begin to awaken in him; he begins to know how to move himself, learns to speak, to have a certain autonomy; he then begins to acquire a first rudimentary self-consciousness. This primitive self-consciousness has a fundamentally egocentric, and, to use Freud’s expressions, self-critical and “narcissistic” character. The little being is all about fulfilling his own needs, centralizing and enslaving others and the outside world. He lives in and for himself.

But he soon realizes that the outside world is not always at his service, that other beings do not always obey him, and that the weapon of crying and shouting often fails. This is the first more conscious conflict with the outside world, a conflict that can have various developments and continue, with various vicissitudes, throughout life. And this is where adults must be very careful, because errors in demeanor and upbringing can have incalculable consequences. Let us take a typical case: the boy spoiled by a weak mother who, out of sentimentality or wanting not to be bothered, always indulges him. This feeds his egocentrism, his sense of his own importance, and deeply imprints on his psyche the belief that he has the right to be pleased; and that with the weapon of crying and whimpering he can get anything he wants. Such an attitude can take root and last a lifetime. It is the fundamental attitude of wanting to adapt external reality and others to oneself, instead of adapting to them.

This is precisely the problem, the conflict that confronts each of us, and on whose solution depends, to a great extent, [both] our well-being and our unhappiness. Solving it requires a proper recognition of external reality and its demands, and that of the reality of other beings and their rights, which are similar to our own. This implies the renunciation of self-centeredness, the mastery of one’s own impulses and desires, and a whole series of acceptances and self-limitations.

Such an adjustment is fostered by:

The fear of reactions, of punishment, from others and from life.
A healthy extroversion, interest in the outside world, the awakening of active and playful tendencies, the pleasure of play, of overcoming difficulties, of struggling.
The awakening of affectivity, feelings of gratitude and admiration. The recognition that affection attracts affection, that love and kindness are more powerful weapons than crying and tantrums.

However, in many cases the establishment of a right and harmonious relationship with others and with reality does not occur, or occurs only partially.
The causes of this are varied:

Nervous and psychic hypersensitivity, which multiplies the intensity of impressions.
Excessive fear, which can produce true phobias.
Deficiency of active, playful tendencies, interest in the outside world.
Very strong painful impressions produced by distressing illness, brutal or too severe treatment, etc.
Deficiency of affection, of love.
Excessive self-centeredness.

So the conflicts persist, escalate and become more complicated. The main outcomes of these conflicts are:

Refuge in illness as a defense and compensation: it attracts others’ attention, affection, pity. Morbid enjoyment of others’ pity. This explains many neuropsychic disorders. Please note that this is an unconscious process, often going against the wishes of waking consciousness.
Refuge in a fantasy world: the “dreamers”. “Fear of living” and suffering. Partial overcoming of these attitudes, and regression to them in heightening conflict with reality.
Active attitudes of rebellion towards life and men. Resentment against life and God (very strong in many). Non-acceptance of suffering. Criticism of life (“if I had made the world…!”). Pessimism — Philosophical constructs — Leopardi, Schopenhauer. Supine acceptance of normal man. Juggling, “getting by”.
Conflict with life on an ideal basis. Not selfish rebellion, but overcoming ordinary life. Inner power to modify it. Utilization of imagination. Inventors. Active idealists. Reformers. Artists. Apostles. Utility of conflict as a dynamic element. Drive to create a higher, more beautiful life, to spiritualize the world, ordinary reality.

OTHER CONFLICTS WITH EXTERNAL REALITY

To complete the examination of the problem, we must mention some special types of conflicts with external reality, with circumstances, which often turn into inner conflicts. They deserve special consideration, because they are very frequent and painful conflicts, which not infrequently constitute the most serious and decisive experiences of one’s existence

The first of such conflicts is produced by the loss of a particularly and deeply loved one. In such cases one realizes, perhaps as never before, how firm and tenacious are the bonds that bind two human beings together, how passionate are the emotional attachments, how intimate are the psychic identifications, such as to reach true fusions of souls. To those who are left deprived of their loved one, it seems as if something vital, a part of themselves, the reason for life, has been torn from them. At first the crisis, the emotional storm is often so violent that neither the person himself nor others can quell it. This is the most serious and dangerous time. Some people, who do not have inner resources capable of stemming the tidal wave, who do not possess other affections, other strong attachments capable of holding them back, are overwhelmed and may reach suicide or mental imbalance. Fortunately, such extreme events are relatively rare, but there are many cases in which severe depression, serious nervous and mental disorders, bitter rebellion and morbid exacerbation, and unhealthy slumps and apathy result.

Similar are the reactions to conflicts that arise in cases where the loved one is not removed from death but does not reciprocate the passion he or she has inspired, or voluntarily detaches and proves unworthy. These are the so-called “disappointments” of love that are often considered too lightly. It is easy to make fun of creatures who are often primitive, elemental souls, blinded by their passion; but are those who smile at them so much superior to them, just because their arid, superficial and cynical souls, their meager and selfish balance, makes them safe from those storms?

As I have mentioned at other times, the importance, the severity of an event, the intensity of a suffering are all subjective, and must be evaluated in relation to the development and resources of those who “live” that experience. For a child, a pain or conflict that seems small and “childish” to us is a serious matter that can upset him and make him sick; the same is true of “young souls”, all caught up and dominated by their passion, lacking a broad vision, a firm will, for whom “love disappointments” are real tragedies. Intense suffering is genuine, even if it is due to blindness and weakness, and should always be regarded with respect and enlightened pity. Passions have rightly been called “diseases of the soul” — and those who are sick need to be treated.

It would be especially good if some men, who are tempted by their own prevailing heedlessness and cynicism to take these things lightly and to trifle with these fires of passion, were to realize the grave consequences that their behavior causes, the moral ruin it produces; and to remember more often that that fire can affect and burn them as well. Not infrequently in such cases a transformation of emotional energy occurs, analogous to a change of polarity. Love becomes hate and can lead to destructive acts, no longer against oneself, as in the cases mentioned above, but against the person who aroused the passion.

What is the attitude to take, what is the cure in the face of these painful conflicts? In these cases, as in all, the best and most effective care is preventive. A whole new vision would be needed: to establish an education and discipline of feelings and emotions. Here it is necessary to resolutely probe one’s soul, make a courageous analysis without false sentimentality, and investigate the true nature and unconscious roots of one’s affections and attachments. It is necessary to recognize that affection — love in its most varied manifestations: maternal, paternal, filial and conjugal — is certainly a beautiful, lofty thing, worthy of respect and admiration, the source of countless sacrifices. But one must also see that it can often have lower, excessive and harmful aspects; that it must be enlightened, mastered, directed and counterbalanced by other no less essential aspects of life.

An overly passionate, anxious, exclusive affection, a blind all-consuming affection is not a good thing either for the one who feels it or for the one who is its object, who is limited, spoiled and oppressed by it. A calm and dispassionate analysis shows how much selfishness there is in such an affection: how often one loves oneself in the beloved, and the danger of creating selfishness
for two. In general ideas, feelings and activities which tend to exclusively absorb a human being turn out to be harmful, however right and good they may be [in themselves]. Man is in essence broader than any particular element in him, and he must become so in practice. He is in essence, and must become, the master and not the slave of his own inner activity.

Mind you, it is not a matter of loving less, but of loving better; of loving in an enlightened way, in a wiser and nobler way. It is a duty to one’s be loved, an act of higher love, to channel one’s feeling in a mutually beneficial way, to make it something broader, fruitful and life-giving, instead of passively allowing oneself to be overwhelmed by it, making it narrow, murky and oppressive. Implementing such discipline, elevation and purification of emotionality serves the harmonious development of the various inner faculties, and above all a spiritual conception of life, in addition to the above-mentioned analysis. It is necessary to accustom oneself not to remain always immersed in one’s own personality, not even in one’s own best affections, but to raise the mind often to a vast and impersonal consideration of the world — to feel the vast life that permeates the universe, to feel oneself to be a particle of that life, embarked towards a glorious goal with countless others.

Anyone can do this, according to his own conceptions and preferences. The important thing, from the educational and therapeutic point of view, is to do it in some way; to rise to the level of the superconscious, to make vital contact with the larger reality that surrounds us, permeates us, transcends us… And how good it is for us if this contact arouses in us a profound admiration, adherence and love. This vast love, impersonal yet alive and fervent, will illuminate all our other particular loves and frame them in a broader background. Then, if misfortune befalls us, if a loved one is taken from us, if an affection of ours is not appreciated or reciprocated, if a dear but unworthy person leaves us, we will have the necessary preparation, strength and light not to be overwhelmed; but, while suffering intensely, we will be greater than our suffering and can indeed draw from it occasion for new inner elevation.

Even when such preparation is lacking, the inner conflict aroused by misfortune can be an incentive for elevation. Once the first period of storm and turmoil has passed, once the violent instinctive rebellion has quieted down, once the darkest phases of the slump have been overcome, the soul seeks a new reason for living, and while it does not find it in life, in the ordinary interests that have become cold and colorless for it, of which it sees all the relativity and meanness, it is powerfully drawn towards the mystery in which the loved onetimes has vanished, it some it feels like a call, a bond of love that draws it upwards. And so, slowly or quickly, she opens up to a higher life and receives glimmers and illuminations that comfort, arouse and transform her. These spiritual awakenings, these blooms on the rubble, produced by the storm, are frequent, beautiful and consoling…

However, the conflict can be made less bitter, the travail less tormenting, and the solution less combative, more rapid and harmonious, by a convenient inner preparation. This recognition should, in my opinion, be a new and stronger incentive to the study and ownership of ourselves, to the work of disciplining, harmonizing and arousing our inner energies.

KNOW YOURSELF

POSSESS YOURSELF

TRANSFORM YOURSELF

II. INTRAPSYCHIC (inner) CONFLICTS.

We shall now discuss the struggles that take place within the individual, the intrapsychic, or inner conflicts. Within us there is a constant bumping and clashing of various elements, of the various tendencies within us, of heterogeneous and contradictory elements that, all of them, want to live, assert themselves and express themselves. Conflicts are thus innumerable and varied, and it is almost impossible to enumerate them all. Let us examine the main types:

Conflicts between lower and higher elements, more properly between instincts and passions on the one hand and reason, sense of duty and moral conscience on the other. It is the best known and most frequent of these types of conflicts. To some extent everyone has experienced it and is experiencing it. It constitutes one of the more or less central problems in every human being, and on its more or less easy solution depends not infrequently the health, well-being and destiny of a life.
Professional, traditional attitude: condemnation of the inferior elements, and therefore every effort is directed towards repressing, suppressing and killing them. The extreme expression of this attitude is to regard certain sides of our nature as essentially “bad,” perverse, demonic. It is the radically dualistic conception that prevails in the Middle Ages, and which is more or less explicitly supported by many moralists. It is an erroneous and pernicious conception that is responsible for an incalculable number of errors, sufferings and nervous diseases. Indeed, the violent effort to suppress vital parts of us can only produce the following results:

If inhibitory forms prevail, instinctive and passionate energies are repressed or driven back into the unconscious. In the best case they remain segregated and chained, with the result that the personality remains impoverished, parched. The personality thus becomes cold, hard, inhuman and incomprehensible; unable to vibrate and love. It is virtuous and pure but its virtue is negative, sterile, conquered at the cost of mutilation. In many cases then, the repressed living elements do not adapt to their imprisonment, and so they try and often find vicarious ways to assert themselves. Not infrequently, they discharge their repressed energies into the organism giving rise to a variety of nervous and psychic disorders, ranging from psychic and hysterical crises to many other less conspicuous but more insidious disorders, including frequent moral depressions. Other times, they then give rise to violent uprisings, and there are cases of people who believed themselves and were thought to be self-possessed, moral and virtuous, becoming prey to overwhelming passions. Comparison: river, which instead of being used is held in too narrow a bed by high dams; the time comes when it breaks them and floods.

Other comparison: they more or less completely deceive the conscience of the person, therefore: compromises and hypocrisies. People who deceive themselves, who do not want to experience reality. It follows from these harmful effects how that compulsion cannot be right or good, and is not at all necessary, and is not even considered so even by those with the firmest religious convictions.

In fact, I am glad to be able to quote in this regard the authoritative and very explicit judgment of a noble religious figure, Father Maturin, which he expressed in his excellent book “Of Knowledge and Self-Restraint,” whose reading I recommend to all but especially to those who are religious (pp. 51-54).

As Maturin well puts it, “The solution of conflicts consists in the utilization of vital energies.” We will see below by what methods it can be implemented. In certain cases the conflict takes a different form: one prevailing and overpowering tendency is formed to the detriment of the others and “vampirizes” them, absorbs their vitality. It is a form of spontaneous undominated, excessive utilization, an exploitation. The withering intellectuals, whose feeling remains unconscious and gradually dies from inactivity, are an example of this.

CONFLICTS BETWEEN THE VARIOUS Selves:

What we are
What we think we are
What we would like to be
What others believe we are
What others would like us to be
What others evoke in us
What we would like to figure out
What we can become

(see Pirandello: One, No One and a Hundred Thousand).

This is complicated, yet the problem must be faced. It requires indifference to others’ judgment, great strength. Making ourselves believe we are worse than we are (form of vanity). Desire to stand out. Delinquents who strut their stuff (Baudelaire, etc.). But there are various cases and types.

Self-satisfaction, simple, elementary. Confidence (woman Praxedes). Coincidence of 2 or 3 and little importance given to 3 and 4. Good bourgeois, but also paranoid “He who is pleased with himself…” Stasis. Crystallization. Narcissism. Self-law. “Inflation” (Jung).
Tendency to overvalue, but with inner uncertainty. Then search for external confirmation, desire for others’ appreciation. Hunt for praise, honors, titles. Identification with a “hero.” Caste spirits, etc. “Masks” of personality (Jung), concealing poverty, real emptiness.
More active types in which the conscious or unconscious sense of one’s own inferiority results in a compensatory and often hypercompensatory reaction. Elementary example: fearful being loud, weak bullying. Deeper and more complex cases (studied by Adler).
Unstable types: oscillations between over-evaluation and over-devaluation of self (cyclothymic). Qualitative errors: often overvaluing conscious data and devaluing latent sides. Sometimes one devalues what one has and overestimates lacking qualities.

Conflicts with others’ images (masks) that become suggestions, patterns, nightmares in us.

What others believe we are . Importance of judgments of those we love, esteem and revere (parents). Disastrous effects of others’ distrust.

What others would like us to be : images, ideals projected by parents, often accepted in childhood. Then conflicts with our true nature: various events. Sometimes the mask overwhelms the true personality. Sometimes liberation through painful struggles, sometimes compromise and more or less harmonious mergers.

Conflicts between superconscious tendencies. Drama of spiritual development. Struggle between spirit and personality. Attempts at evasions….

Conflicts between what we currently are and what we would like to be (the opposite of the above).

The ideal: source of development and source of discouragement. We should be content to be dissatisfied.

Aspiration, fruitful travail. Taking charge. Cooperate with unconscious energies. But careful to form a true, adequate ideal corresponding to our real line of development. In good faith and good will one can adopt unworkable and unsuitable ideals. Rather than formulate them ourselves, receive them from the real, Higher Self. We shall see how.

Vast and beautiful task of self-knowledge and self-realization.

From Chaos to Cosmos.