Stand still, raise your arms, watch your mind protest. Assagioli’s 1929 notebook of self-experiments in training the will, complete with bored mornings, intrusive thoughts, and the moment he saw his own personality try to talk him out of it
By Roberto Assagioli
April–May 1929 experimental notebook
Assagioli Archives, Florence, Docs. #3044 and #3045 [i].
Translated and edited with notes by Jan Kuniholm
Editorial Note
The abstract and contextual subtitle in this online edition have been added by the editor, Kenneth Sørensen, to support readability, navigation, and archival consistency. The original wording of the experimental notebook has not been altered.
Abstract
In these experimental notes, written across April and May 1929, Roberto Assagioli records the results of two practical series of self-experiments on training the will. The first series is contemplative: standing or sitting still, focusing the mind on the word “will” and watching what arises, including the felt location of will in the body, the spontaneous association with Mussolini whose autobiography he was reading, and the gradual realisation that love must be included in will if it is not to harden into mere force. The second series is physical: ten minutes of repetitive arm movements accompanied by the affirmation “I will do this,” through which he registers boredom, reluctance, the difficulty of concentrating during motion, and the moment he becomes aware of his own personality trying to dissuade him from continuing. The notebook is one of the rare texts in the archive in which Assagioli works on himself rather than writing about psychology in the abstract.
FIRST SERIES
1st Experiment. April 8, 1929
For several seconds I thought of nothing but the word “will.” Then came the name of Mussolini to my mind (probably because I had been reading his autobiography). I dismissed it and tried to feel which part of my anatomy was connected with the “will;” and I felt that it originated somewhere in the lower part of the brain (at the back of the head and extending along the spine as far as the shoulders). Then my mind turned to determination, and I began to draw the distinction between the significance of the two words, when I realized that I was again wandering from my object. Then I tried to think of will as power — not as a dominating force so much as inherent energy which can be called into action when the need arises and laid aside when relaxation is possible.
2nd Experiment. April 9, 1929
I began again by thinking of the word “will, but power persistently attached itself. Then several thoughts tried to intrude themselves — a mental picture of Mussolini, the stupidity of the task, failure; I banished them all as they came, then almost simultaneously with the suggestion of failure came the word “achieve” to my mind. This led to the feeling of power; then the word “persistence” attached itself and I began to realize that without persistent effort much of the power is wasted, since it requires more energy to re-commence a thing if one lets go. Then came the thought that in order to use the will, we must have desire for its direction; thus it forms the link between the thought and action. Then I asked myself, What did I desire? Self-mastery. For what reason? To help the Masters through service to humanity. It was at this point that I saw the link between the desire (thought) and action.
3rd Experiment. April 10, 1929
It was more difficult to fix the mind this morning; there was a certain reluctance to commence at first, but it quickly vanished when I remembered the previous results. The word “persistence” came promptly to my mind. Then I turned my thoughts again to the word “will” and its many aspects as represented in resolution — steady — firm — unconquerable — impregnable — determination — perseverance — unflinching — strength — power — force. I began to feel the power in these words, but there seemed something lacking. It did not represent to me a complete will. Finally I realized that love must be included, not to diminish its power but to soften it.
4th Experiment. April 11, 1929
This was not successful. I got up feeling very tired and could not fix my attention in any direction. I began again with the words “will power” which seemed meaningless; then came the word “enthusiasm,” and I knew what was lacking. I tried to see the connection between strength and will and the various forms of will; to distinguish Divine Will from personal will, but these speculations led to nothing. I was too much aware of a tired brain.
5th Experiment. April 12, 1929
I tried a different method this time. It suddenly dawned on me that it is useless to try and understand the nature of will by thinking about it. One must “feel” one’s way to the heart of things. So I just stood still, and felt that it was by [my] own will that I was doing it. Then I became aware of a sense of possession, of actual control. There was no emotion and there seemed to be nothing attached to it, therefore, will must be merely a power that can be applied or harnessed to any one part of our being.
6th Experiment. April 13, 1929
I proceeded as on the previous day, by just realizing that I was standing in one place for 10 minutes; that it was “I” who willed it. It gave me a certain feeling of satisfaction especially when I realized how little effort it really entails. The will was in harmony with the thought and the desire, thus one feels the full power of the will.
Then I told myself that everything can be achieved in the same way, without driving oneself. I asked myself if I was that will, and I felt most emphatically that it was not actually me; only a part of me.
One thing has impressed me in these experiments and that is how quickly the time passes.
(These experiments presuppose that will is a genuine psychological faculty — a premise that connects directly to the question of free will. Ed)
SECOND SERIES
1st Experiment. May 1, 1929
For five minutes, I decided, against my inclinations, to make the following exercise for five minutes each day for 10 days: To stand relaxed and raise the arms sideways to the level of the shoulders in decided movements, repeating quietly, “I will do this.”
The task was irksome because I had no inclination for it. The previous task was pleasant since it suited my particular temperament to stand still and just contemplate the meaning of “will.” As far as I know, I gained no benefit from it. At first I commenced slow movements, but that seemed to be out of order with the purpose so I changed to firm and decided movements. But I had the feeling all the same that it was stupid.
2nd Experiment. May 2, 1929
I finished the exercise this morning with a sense of relief and a certain satisfaction of having kept to my resolution; but it was tedious and I began very reluctantly. I still have the feeling that it is stupid and not worthwhile (the type of exercise is referred to).
My mind was not centered on the performance; the attention was interrupted by stupid thoughts, but at the end of the five minutes I was suddenly reminded of my meditation on “filial dutifulness” and I at once saw a connection between the necessary obedience of the personality, (even in small things,) and that of the child in its relationship to parent, as well as in the higher sense — the relationship to God and the necessity of obedience to divine law.
3rd Experiment. May 3, 1929
I began with less reluctance this morning and finished with greater satisfaction. I counted the movements to keep the mind from wandering, (I had forgotten the words that should accompany the exercise.) ending at 150; but I paused to look at the clock.
The tendency to consider some things a bore is becoming noticeably less.
4th Experiment. May 4, 1929
The exercise was accomplished this time very indifferently, owing partly to fatigue. Although I repeated the phrase, “I will do this,” I did it more [or] less mechanically. Other thoughts kept interrupting. All the same I was conscious of a certain determination to carry out my resolution whether it leads to any useful result or not.
5th Experiment. May 5, 1929
The time passed quickly and did not seem tedious; but I find it much more difficult to fix the attention on the object of the exercise; i.e., the use of the pure will, when movement is introduced. The former exercise was far more effective and pleasant.
But there is no weakening of the resolution.
6th Experiment. May 6, 1929
I carried out the exercise this morning rather late, and only because I am determined not to fail in my resolution. The results were nil as far as I can judge because I was too tired to think about it, and afterwards I slept heavily for over two hours.
7th Experiment. May 7, 1929
I repeated the exercise this morning though still mentally tired. There is no weakening of the resolution, though I cannot arouse much interest in it. I feel so strongly all the time I would rather be doing something more useful.
8th Experiment. May 8, 1929
I repeated the exercise this morning with the same indifference. There is absolutely no cooperation on the part of the personality. It takes no interest whatever in the performance, but it does not actually object. However, I am determined to continue this experiment for a considerable time to see what will result.
9th Experiment. May 9, 1929
I felt much more contented this morning with what I was doing, and an inner satisfaction of having carried out my resolution. But I find it much more difficult to concentrate my thoughts while carrying out physical movements.
Much of the value of the exercise is lost, I think, unless the mind is also concentrated on the task.
10th Experiment. May 10, 1929
I felt no reluctance whatever this morning, perhaps because I knew subconsciously that it was the last performance of this particular exercise. However, I have decided to return to it later and endeavor to control the thoughts as well as the motion.
11th Experiment. May 11, 1929
This morning I changed the movement slightly — raising the arms forward, then above the head, from the head sideways to the level of the shoulders and then dropping to the normal position; — each movement accompanied by the same phrase, “I will do this.”
The exercise was less tedious that the previous one, but I cannot pretend to the slightest enthusiasm over it. Nevertheless the resolution to carry on is so strong that I must, perforce, obey! I am usually rewarded by a pleasant feeling of satisfaction, which continues through the day generally.
12th Experiment. May 12, 1929
The exercise was carried out with more spirit and interest this morning. But stupid thoughts insisted on interrupting. — I am still of the opinion that more rapid results might be achieved in some cases by pure contemplation.
13th Experiment. May 13, 1929
The personality will not co-operate. I was a little late in rising and it nearly caused me to forget my task; — and betrayed a decided irritation when it was remembered.
Concentration is almost impossible in these circumstances, but I mean to carry on.
14th Experiment. May 14, 1929
I felt rather bored by the exercise this morning and performed the whole thing in a very perfunctory manner. The personality is trying many subtle ways of dissuading me of pursuing this experiment, but I feel quite independent and refused to by tyrannized by it.
15th Experiment. May 15, 1929
I went through the exercise this morning as a matter of course, without feeling or any special interest in it. Deep in the subconscious persists the feeling that this method (for myself) is a waste of time. I find it still difficult to concentrate on the task. The attitude of rebellion has passed, but I “sense” that the personality is only waiting its opportunity.
16th Experiment. May 16, 1929
I carried out the exercise this morning with the same disinterestedness, though with better success at concentration. Do what I will, I cannot arouse any more enthusiasm for this method, but I have no intention of giving up the resolution of developing the will.
[i] Originals are hand-typed manuscripts in English, with occasional hand-written corrections, transcribed by the Istituto di psicosintesi. Small editorial changes have been made in layout and punctuation, and an occasional correction of an apparent typographical error, by this editor. Interpolations indicated by [brackets] were made by the transcribers of these notes at the Istituto di psicosintesi. It is not certain in what language these notes were originally made. —Ed.
